Avril Lavigne - I Will Be

I will always be, the best that u ever have..

SAM and me..

I thought cerita Sam neh macam cerita cinta biasa2 je, yg ada happy ending in the end..

Tapi saya silap laa.. Sam is different.. Takde la best mana, tapi it somehow slips through my heart..

And it makes me to think.. Betul ke ada happy ending in real life? Kan tuh semua dalam drama je..

Even saya tahu semua tuh dalam drama je dan lakonan semata-mata, tapi hati saya lebih cenderung untuk percaya.. Saya percaya happy tuh ada, tapi x pasti di bahagian hidup kita yang mana.. Di permulaan ke, pertengahan ke atau di penghujung.. Yang pastinya pula, realiti takkan la seindah drama… =)

Saya suka tengok drama yang ada happy ending.. Saya suka tengok lovers happy in their real life.. Sometimes tuh, happy things do happened to me.. Indah dan bahagia sangat.. Tapi saya selalu ada rasa ragu2 dalam hati.. Rasa macam dalam mimpi.. The right words to describe my feeling is, saya rasa saya x layak pun untuk ada rasa happy tuh..  Worst, it grows fear in me..sampaikan ada kalanya saya tolak jauh2 rasa happy dalam diri.. Fobia kot kan.. Hurm..

I am trying very hard to get over these.. But trust me, u dun know how hard it is.. So awak, bersabarlah dengan saya ye..  =)

p/s: We are now of what have happened yesterday..

5 perkara..

Hari tuh ada la seminar kat luar office neh..

Pasal interpersonal skill mcm tuh la pun..

Hanya dipisahkan dengan pintu sepapan tuh, mmg kitorg yg dlm office neh pun automatic mcm terlibat skali..suara dorg kuat2 kot.. =P

Biasa la pun, program dia untuk memantapkan diri sendiri, supaya lagi confident dengan dunia luar neh.. Ada sesi luahan perasaan, lakonan, pembentangan, soal jawab..bab2 melawak pun sure x tinggal..hihi..

Tapi dalam byk2 sesi tu, aku tertarik lak kat 1 sesi neh..lebih kurang sesi Tanya diri sendiri la kan.. =) Penceramah tuh bagi 2 soalan neh aje..

1)      5 perkara yang org suka kat saya

2)      5 perkara yang org x suka kat saya

Menarik laa.. Tanpa penceramah tuh sedar, dia da ada peserta baru di sebalik pintu papan tuh..hihi.. Spontan je aku amik kertas dan cuba untuk senaraikan 5 perkara tuh.. Ingat senang ke? So jom check jawapan aku yg poyo2 neh..

Soalan no 1..     

-          Nampak macam budak baik

-          Easy going

-          Fun to be with

-          Saya comel? (I get this a lot) *perasan abis..

-          Can talk well (advises, jokes, etc)

Soalan no 2..     

-          Degil

-          X suka nak mengalah kalau dlm discussion

-          Sombong sikit..

-          Suka buat benda sorang diri

-          Ikut kepala sendiri

Haaa, walaupun point yg poyo2 tuh nmpk mcm lebih kurang sama je semua tapi aku rasa itulah aku.. aku rasa laa, org lain rasa aku x tahu lak kan? Sure dorg lagi byk jawapan kat nombor 2 tuh kan? Hahahha..

Entri kali neh xde apa2 pun la..aku saja nak merepek buang masa..so, adios!

Searching the logical

Last night I have a bad feeling but I just ignored it..

I need to have my sleep and wake up early to work..

There is nobody around, so I switched on all the lights outside..

It all went well until 2 am..

I have a problem opening my HP lockscreen..

I have the password correct but I dun know why it couldn’t work..

I have to tried till the 6^th attempt then only I can open it..

And then suddenly I heard a noise just outside my room, so I switched on my room light..

The sounds then continue, it seems like someone is entering the other room coz I heard the sound of door knob..

I can feel like my blood stops running inside my body, I can’t even move.. I feel cold and I’m shivering..  There is nobody in the house!

Feels like yelling out the window for help but I know that is ridiculous.. 2am, no neighbours and the guards are on the other side, I don’t think anyone would hear me..

So I lifted my guard and going out to check the situation outside, without any hesitation.. I slowly move downstairs.. All the locks and doors are good.. Nothing much.. But when I climbed back then only I realize the stuffs in front of my room have fall down, and the window there is slightly open.. I don’t take too much time, I get myself into my room and waited for my friend to come and pick me up..

So I ended in my friend’s house..could not really get a good sleep due to what have happened..

Early morning then I come back there..nak x nak kena gak bersiap tuk g kerja kan.. I just ignored my feelings and act like nothing has happened last night.. But I can’t keep my eyes away to the window..It is like I’m looking for a logical answer to last night.. and surprisingly I saw a white hair? I’m not sure if it is hair or kind of wool of cotton stuck there in the window.. I pretend like I haven’t seen anything and going to work like usual..

So it all goes around in my head now.  The stuffs are well located but it fell down, the window is slightly opens..  It looks like something has come inside tru the window and steps on the thing and going into to the other room.. But, the window is so small and it is been  grilled! So, what is it that come in? Hurm.. Logical please..

The Grace Sister..

I always get this from my friends.. “U both look so close together..”

Yep, I am trying hard to pull over our gap..

It is not as easy as what they have seen..In fact, we’re not that close pun..

It is so hard for me to understand what’s in her head..But that did not affect my love to her, my only little sis.. =)

So this is kinda more like a fun entry bout me & my sis..owh, and of course there are biases since I am judging myself on my own thought.. hihi..

Here it goes..

The Big Sister: Known as a stubborn person, quite loud & hard in words & actions..Independent..Like to talk and to be heard..Able to do hard work..Thinking type..What she wants, she will always fight hard to get it..Follows her heart almost all of time..Kurang sabar..Love sports..Not so good in love relationship..Sporty dress-up..Unhealthy (abs problem..) Love day-dreaming..Average social life..Like to share..medium body type..

The Small Sister: Stubborn too.. Don’t like to talk much.. Love to be alone.. Body is not so strong (buat kerja berat sikit pun xleh..) So soft in words & actions..Follows her head almost all of time..Love arts & musics..Good in love relationship (many boyfies..) hot chicks dress-up..skinny, lean body type..unhealthy (lung problem..) Love day-dreaming..Low social life..Don’t like to share things..Love to keep things alone..Doing things in her own way, don’t ever dare to interrupt! =)

Hahaha..Bukan senang to get all these info..and I do believe there is a lot more, tapi x larat la nak gali dalam2.. by the time being, I am still trying to understand her well..from what I can see, we got so much differences..tuh yg nak berbual pun susah..

I don’t really care how she is..We might be so different..But there’s 1 thing for sure that I know, I will always love her with all my heart.. =)

p/s: Happy birthday my little sister! Sweet 22 years old, u look like secondary school students aii.. =)

Christmas Cupid

Yeahhh, I know that people are not celebrating Christmas yet..

It is not about that eve pun, it’s about a movie..

This started on 1 fine day..

I have nothing to do and bored so I on9 u-tube and watch movies on9..

This movie is a light & fun movie.. lebih kurang macam citer The ghost of my Past GF tuh..

And I did not put in much attention into it till I have reached the almost ending part.. I’m glued..

The movie have successfully made me to think, I mean re-think..

In this life, if we chase after wealth, popularity & power, we will in the end lose the people around us.. We will be left alone, my biggest fear of all..

Hence, as been mentioned by my fav actor in my fav drama series, Dream High.. “The road that a well known star would live is a lonely and pity road..” Now I think that I understand.. =)

Betul la tuh..winning over arguments or any other occasion will result of we losing the people we care & love..

I am so glad that I have finally realize that..before this da tahu pun, tapi lack of awareness aje so x alert sgt pun.. hihi..

See? From just a normal, a light & fun movie, if we do sees it in different view, it can really give us a great lesson..I guessed that I’m changing my life a bit now.. =)

I have decided to keep the people I love around me.

p/s: the best part was, Chad Michael Murray is the hero!!!! =P

Fear...

I believe each of us have something that we are afraid of.. Anything.. Be it an animal, unseenable things or maybe our own feelings..

But to be the only one in that situation, it might be hard.. Like, I dun understand why one of my friend neh afraid of the hen..After all, I do think that we are enjoying the KFC kot.. =P  It may sounds funny to us, but not to that particular person.. hihi..

So, I’m opening my secret of fear in here..

Num 1 fear- ULAT GONGGOK!! Ewww… You dun have to let me see it, just by hearing someone mentioning it will give me a sleepless night..huh..I think it started when I was little..I like to play around, a lot..and dat thing pun quite a lot gak la kan..bersepah..hihi..so mmg selalulah TERpijak! And the sound tuh yg actually makes me eerie..lagi, kaki dia yg banyak tuh.. adoyh laaa..I would rate 4 over 5 to the level of fear. Few bad experiences that I ever face, one of it is running out from bathroom, crying, when I see it. Lagi x boleh lupa budak2 hoki mmg saja nak kenakan, they throw that thing to me, and as a result, I ran for about 400m far to get away.. huh! Even if it happens now, I will also react the same..

Num 2 fear-Big, huge mascot.. Aaaa, I don’t know when this started..Tapi I realize it masa I’m in UiTM..Kira da besar pun saya la kan.. =P One fine day tuh, in a shopping complex tgh window shopping, there’s this A&W mascot yg jalan2 to do promotion. To my surprise he comes to me and I stop walking, my heart beats fast, palm sweating and in tears. That is when I started to realize. To think far, maybe I’m afraid coz I can’t see their face expression..How if there is a serial killer inside? **me thinking too much.. haha.. I might too,  afraid if that thing going to fall onto me..tuh yg takut..level of fear-3…

Num3 fear-Fear to be left alone..This is quite complicated coz it relates to my feeling..It is also not as what you think it should be..I’m not afraid to be left alone at home, in shopping complexes or any other places..In fact, I’m enjoying my quality time alone..What I mean here is I’m afraid to be left by someone..Someone I know, someone I care, someone who is near to me..I know that there’s goodbye in every hello, and time will help to heal the wound..But after years and experiences, I am still crying for the same reason and situation even though I have positively think that I have successfully overcome the feeling..To the extent of it, I am afraid to cry..I’m afraid of the words that are left unattended..I’m afraid to say hello and worst I am sometimes afraid to live my life.. huh.. level of afraid-5..

Some people said that we can overcome our fear by facing it..yes, I do agree..But it takes a lot of courage and not all can do it..Me myself is not strong enough even to think about it..So, I guess that it’s me running away from all of it..As long as I can run, I will run..

~~waiting for the day when I’ll stop running.. =P